The Hangover- Tardis Style
by Girl From Under The Stairs
Summary: The Doctor has woken up but can't remember what he did last night. Join him as he attempts to discover what happened.
1. Chapter 1

**I Came up with this idea in a lesson at school with my friend who also has a fanfiction account and is AMAZING! she is writing a Post-Avenger Fanfic for you if your interested. Her account is u/4364998/ CHECK HER OUT! **

**I hope you like this idea it's a bit of fun!**

**:D Review and we could be Friends! :D**

The Doctor woke up with the roof of the Tardis spinning.

"Oh my head!" The Doctor groaned

Suddenly there was a sound that echoed round the control room.

*Clip-Clop Clip-Clop*

"What?" He said as he span round.

"Did you hear that?" He said out loud to the Tardis.

Suddenly at the top of the stairs stood a white horse and sitting on the horse was…

"Hello Sweety!"

"What are you doing here? Why are you sitting on a horse? And why does my head hurt so much?" said the Doctor while smacking his head with his hand.

"Well that's not going to help is it?!" Said River Song

"Stop being clever when my head hurts" The Doctor retorted giving her the "evils" as he said so.

"Well it's no wonder why it hurts after what you did last night!" Said River

"What happened last night?" Said the Doctor

"You don't know? Well I'm glad I recorded it now!" Said River with a smirk of delight

"What?" Said The Doctor

"How many times do I get to see you drunk? it was an opportunity I was not going to miss!" River laughed

"Well, let's get it over with" Groaned the Doctor

"Really you want to watch it!" Said River excitedly

"Yeah go on!" Said the Doctor half laughing at what his past-self had done to make River so excited to see.

She grabbed his hand and led him up the stairs into the cinema.

"There is a cinema?!" Said the Doctor shocked

"Didn't you know?!" River said Shocked

"No!"

"But it's your Tardis!" River said

"I don't know everything and my head hurts so please can you just play the film!" Groaned the Doctor

"First off! I have something I haven't filmed that you need to hear!" Said River, Smirking as she took her phone from out of her pocket. "You rang me!"

"I don't remember…. OH NO!" Said The Doctor as the realisation of what he had done came swimming back into his brain.

**_*BEEP*_**went the phone**_ "You have 3 messages. Message 1…_**

**_"HEY SEXY! I just wanted to ring to tell you I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO glad we're married! Oh by the way I don't know if you knew but I kissed your mum once… well… she came on to me!..._**

"Oh GOD!" Said The Doctor

**_… Hold on! SHAKEY! DOWN IN ONE… DOWN IN ONE… DOWN IN ONE! YEAYYY! Anyway REALLY miss you I'm hanging out with Shakespeare and Henry V and they are awesome Shakey just downed a pint all on his own and now Henry is NO HENRY DON'T DO THAT!"_**

_***BEEP***_

"Oh God!" Said The Doctor

"Hang on! There's more" Said River

"MORE!" Said The Doctor

**_*BEEP* "Message 2….._**

**_"HEYYYYYY RIVER! Machine cut me off last time I guess well… Henry just started dancing on the tables and decided to back flip HE'S AMAZING! AREN'T YOU? AMAZING! Welll….. MISS YOU SOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH and I wish you were with us now because we are having so much fun! HENRY IS THAT A HORSE?! IT'S BEAUTIFUL! I WANNA PUT A HORN ON IT AND MAKE IT A UNICORN! ANYWAY RIVER IF YOU WANT YOU CAN MEET US WE'RE AT THIS PUB ON SATURN 5-0 Co-Ordinates 13.14.565 PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAA AAAAAAA….."_**

**_*BEEP*_**

"Oh No!" Said the Doctor with his head in between his hands

"One More!" Said River Smirking

**_*BEEP*_**

**_"PLEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSEEEEE Come River I Need you here now!... Is That Our song? IT'S OUR SONG RIVER! HAHAHAHA GET IT RIVER SONG….SONG RIVER! I'm so funny…. Oh Wait….. AND IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOOOOOOOOUUUUUUU… IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOOOOOOOOOOOUUUU..."_**

**_*BEEP*_**

**_*END OF MESSAGES*_**

"Brilliant!" Said River Laughing

"I WILL NEVER DRINK AGAIN!" Screamed the doctor with his head firmly between his legs in shame.

"Now For the PREMIER OF THE DOCTOR'S HANGOVER!" Announced River as she attached her phone to the big screen "Does anyone want Popcorn?" She Said as she revealed two big boxes of Popcorn

"OH Yeah! Let's get this over with!" Said the Doctor

He was going to be in for a LOT of humiliation today!

**Hope you like this I have planned a LOT of humiliation for the Doctor so buckle up and prepare to laugh! :D Hope you liked it! Please Review and tell me what you liked/Hated etc. I like to hear from people so i can improve etc.**

**Thanks for reading.**


	2. Chapter 2

Hey! Sorry it's taken me so long to update but here's Chapter 2 of the Doctors exploits :D

I'll update more soon!

See you round!

The video started.

The Doctor slumped down in his seat not really wanting to watch his own exploits.

There was a bar, it had silver walls, silver tables and a silver bar. In fact some of the staff were silver.

"RIVER!"

Screamed the Doctor from the video.

The video Doctor was dancing on the tables with a man in Elizabethan dress.

"River! Hey everyone this is my Wife River!"

He tried to get off the table but tripped and fell off. Everyone was laughing. A man in armour helped him stand up.

"River these are my friends!" The doctor said pointing to everyone in the bar.

"This is Shakespeare! The real Shakespeare! We go way back! He tried to hit on my friend!"

"I didn't try, I succeeded!" Shakespeare said defending himself.

The bar laughed at this response.

"Well the jokes on you because she fancied me!"

An "Ohhhhhhh!" Greeted this remark

"And this is King Henry the fifth" The doctor introduced almost smacking the camera in the face with his hand showing off his five fingers!

Annother "Ohhhhhhh" Greeted this and a lot of people in the bar mocked bowed to him.

"Doctor are you drunk?" Teased River

"NO!" Shouted the doctor "Just a tad tipsy!"

The bar laughed as the doctor fell over again after saying this.

"We better get you out of here! You two with me!" River said pointing to Shakespeare and Henry

"So long friends!" Shouted the Doctor as he waved and blew kisses to the bar.

They entered the Tardis.

"Right time to take you home"

"BOOOORING!" Screamed the Doctor as he punched random things into the Tardis.

Suddenly the Tardis landed and the doctor ran outside. The others looked from one to the other and followed him.

There was a control panel and the doctor was punching buttons. Suddenly there was an alarm sounding and a red light started flashing.

"Oops!" The doctor said "might have just started a war!"

"WHAT!" Screamed River

WAR DECLARED

"Yep just started a war!"

The Doctor grinned at the Camera.

DUN DUN DUNNNN!

To be Continued! :D


	3. Chapter 3

**So Last time… The Doctor was hanging out in a bar with Shakespeare and Henry V. River came to join him with a camera so that the Doctor would be able to watch them. And as the doctor drunk drived the Tardis he landed it on a seemingly abandoned spaceship and accidently started a war…. So that's what you missed on… FANFIC! (Glee reference FTW)**

"What?! You Started a war?" Screamed River

"Yep! And by the look of the ship I sent it to it was a…" The Doctor started

"Sonta Ha!" Screamed a Sonatran who had appeared on the screen.

"Yep… a sontaran battle ship" The Doctor Finished

"You declared war against the sontarans are you crazy" River hissed

"Nope! But hisss.." The doctor leaned in to whisper "But I may be a tiny bit drunk"

"You don't say!" Said Henry V "and why would you be afraid of that thing it looks like a mouldy potato!"

"Who DARES declare war against the Sontarans? And who is that to be so insulting to the mighty sontaran race"

"ME!" The doctor yelled spinning around knocking over several piles of paper. "And He is Henry the fifth he is the BEST!"

"DOCTOR!" screamed the sontaran

"Oh no! it's never good that they know his name!" River said to herself

"My Race has fought you for a long time.. You dare declare war on us?! After we have…."

"And mute" The doctor said

A big speaker with a cross through it appeared on the screen.

"Did you just put the Angry Sontaran on mute?" Said River

"Maybe!" The doctor said

"Right I don't know how but you are going to have to get us out of this mess!" Screamed River

"ME?" The Doctor Whined

"Yes you!...No don't you dare try and get round it with the puppy eyes you should know they don't work on me" River said firmly

"Ummm… Guys?" Said Henry V worried

"And After all this time I don't think I would ever….." River Shouted

"Guys?" Shakespeare said

"….think you would dare…."

"Guys?" Henry Warned again

"….do anything so outrageous as…"

"GUYS!" Henry and Shakespeare Yelled

"WHAT?" River and the Doctor retaliated

"What does that mean?" Henry pointed up to the screen

"INCOMING MISSILE" was in red Capitals on the screen

"It means we better check whether there is anyone on this ship before evacuating them and us pronto" River said as she ran over and radically started pressing buttons. "No one here!" She yelled "GET IN THE TARDIS!"

"BUT…" The doctor Whined

"DOCTOR GET IN THE TARDIS OR SO HELP ME I'll…."

*BOOOM*

**DUN DUN DUN!**

**Did they make it you'll find out next time! Please don't forget to review because I love hearing what you guys think of this! :D BYE!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey Peeps! Gosh I haven't updated in AGES! I'm so sorry leaving you on the cliff-hanger but school work and illness have kinda made it impossible for me! I will make it up to you guys I promise! :D but for the moment enjoy this chapter! Please review with your thoughts on future chapters because I really like hearing what you guys like and dislike about this story! (Although don't be too mean :D) So to recap last time the doctor had accidently started a war with the Sontarans :D Enjoy!**

*BOOOM*

The missile had found its target.

The room shook as the missile hit the side of the ship.

"HOLD ON!" Yelled River

A Gapping hole appeared in the side of the ship and began sucking out the air and dragging River, Doctor, Henry and Shakespeare towards it.

"Doctor what do we do?" Shakespeare asked

"I don't know how about eat Jammy Dodgers while playing spin the fez!" The Doctor said as he began laughing hysterically.

"DO I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING?" River Yelled

She climbed her way towards the doctor reached into his pocket. This was hard as he was laughing hysterically.

"Stop it! Stop it! You're tickling me!"

She got out his sonic screwdriver. And aimed it at the Tardis. Suddenly gravity was restored as the Tardis set a force field around them.

"YEAY!" The doctor said

River stood up and walked to the Tardis and opened the door.

"Come on! Got to go to…"

"See Planet 12344326948325 It's amazing! It hasn't got a name yet but it will have soon! Come on and name a planet!" Doctor Skipped towards the Tardis and walked straight into the closed door.

River laughed. "Come on guys get in"

Soon the Tardis landed on the surface of the Planet with no name…. yet.

The Doctor had changed from his normal outfit into a silver jumpsuit with celery attached and he wore a long scarf and a bow tie.

"You look ridiculous!" River said

"DO NOT!"

"Hate to disagree with you but you look absolutely ludicrous I think there are peasants in Paris with more style than you!" Henry Criticised

"Oh no you didn't!" Shakespeare said "Did I say that right?"

"Not bad but you need to do a sassy finger as well." River corrected.

"Come on let's name the planet. I think this planet deserves to be named after something beautiful and means a lot to me!" The doctor said as he turned to face River

River went red. "That's really nice of you! If a tad cheesy!"

"It shall be called PLANET FEZ!"

"Oh no!" Shakespeare and Henry said worried for their lives.

River ran over to him and punched him in the face.

"Right Time to get you two home! NOW!"

**That's it! Hope you liked this chapter I Really love writing this story and I'm glad you guys like it! :D Please don't forget to Review! And I will update ASAP!**


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